Went to Hard Rock Cafés' seventies-eighties night, following my usual rotation. After being rejected by all sorta women... some didn't even want the champ... can you believe it, yeah ?! What the hell's wrong with these country bumpkins birds ?? Anyway, I decided to go for broke. I hadn't had a shag for weeks, you know what a mean, yeah ?!

So anyways, I approach this mature bird. I’m being kind... she must have been in her mid-forties. You know how it is, they should be thankful that they're getting some attention from a bloke under fifty. Fellas our age usually top out at very early thirty. And she wasn't even a yummy mummy. More of a grizzly fowl. But I'll admit it, fella, I was desperate, yeah ?! At least she wasn't a bingo winga, yeah ?!

So, the usual champs routine, and things seemed to be going according to plan. Then I showed my pearly whites in the most alluring smile I could manage and gave her, The Line. Maybe it was too soon... maybe my desperation was showing... I don't know. She laughed.

She, laughed at ME. Can you bloody believe it !?!?!.

“Do I look like I’m THAT desperate?”, she almost choked in between hysterics.

“If I ever get that desperate, I just put out a personal ad or join an online dating service!”.

She walked off back to her mates, and I could hear them sniggering all night. Not even a "thanks for the champ". I was livid.

That night, as I beat on the rashers, you know, I fantasized a hundred ways of giving her a good seeing to, yeah ?! Hard and proper, know what I mean ?
But the hag did give me an idea. Personal ads. Online dating.

That sounded like the future !