Hard Times - Revision #7 - February 25, 2008 8:56:31 PM UTC

It was easy in the old days. Trading in the Golden Mile made you part of an elite. It gave you a reputation, and opened doors. The city was ours for the taking, the fun never stopped. Picking up the ladies was sooo easy. When you spotted an elephant.. that was our code for a ten... my favourite ploy was cracking open a case of Dom Perignon and offering a glass to everyone in the bar, like I owned the place and it was on the house. Except her. Classic, yeah ?! My mates would be cheering me, and if she had male companions, I made doubly sure they got some too, and they'd be cheering me, too.

Then, it's just a matter of letting her stew for a few minutes, wondering if she's got pimples or something. Then, hey, suddenly you notice her... "how could you have missed her"... offer her a glass, and you're in. Poor thing's so relieved, she downs it in one. Pour on the attention and the champagne. Champagne was definitely the key... it said and did everything that was needed... how could they refuse, yeah ?! The stuck up birds trying to play the hard to get game didn't get far in the City. In the City, you play by our rules, yeah ?! Or you don't play at all. They usually went home alone, the sad b**ches.

When bagging time came, all I had to do was just slide up to her, flash my perfectly lined veneers with award winning smile to match, and say “I’ve been tested and it came back negative, but I have these anyway", and show her my box of Trojans. When you're the dogs bollocks, it's that easy to bag an elephant, yeah ?! A reputation, designer suit, champagne, a flash of gold, women are so easy, yeah? Often, I even got away without a glove.

Of course then the bloody bubble burst. We all knew it had to happen eventually... thought we'd be smart enough to see it coming and jump out at the last minute. My mate Peter... we laughed when he pulled out and went to Stockholm. His Swedish girlfriend was like that blonde ABBA bird... I'd do her any day, yeah ?! But still, Stockholm !? Know what I mean ?! S**t, I should have followed him, and got his girl to boot, yeah ?!

Those were the days man....

Then it all got harder.... a lot harder...